Being caught up in a cycle of dealing the toxic people is exhausting. It goes beyond the workplace; people exhibiting such behaviors are sometimes in our homes and are our close friends. Culture has overemphasized the role of relationships between us and others. However, it has also failed in telling us is watching out for negative ones and what to do when we reach that realization.
What makes toxic relationships destructive?
Phrases such as ‘” love hurts” are misplaced. Love is used along with words such as purity, harmony, patience, hope, self-control among others. Love in itself does not hurt. The hurt comes from loving someone who steps out of love. Thus explains the phrase comes up when a person has wronged us, or we watch others suffer.
Retaining the notion of love hurting is dangerous. It stops us from creating healthy boundaries with others, which is an act of self-love. When that is not present, attack, blame, jealousy, guilt, manipulations, and lies become the norm, which demonstrates an absence of love. Even though these feelings might be present for a time, what is important is that they get worked through.
Toxic people are destructive because they don’t want to change. It is an aspect of exerting control. If people working in a web development agency are working with a toxic client, they will find that they will be unproductive, stressed and even lose money out malice. Between close people, it is more complicated.
Don’t expect change
The reason why people put up with or linger in toxic relationships especially with people close to them is the hope the other party will change. Unless the person takes up blame and sees things differently, nothing about the situation will improve. Not wanting to see this cold truth is what has people staying in bad relationships. They think any changed will prompt the other person to do the same. However, that never happens. If it does, it is often for a short period, before the old behavior continues.
Don’t be hard on yourself
Walking away from stressful people is hard especially if you have played a part. However, remember that it is just as crucial for the other person to take responsibility and facilitate healing and growth. Even if you keep getting caught up in a cycle, don’t be hard on yourself. It takes time to undo habits that we have also facilitated and to move past them.
However, keep in mind that detachment from the toxic person and behavior doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It merely implies you like yourself enough to place boundaries that a reasonable person ought to respect. If you find yourself thinking being kind to someone is the way to heal them, it is likely you are getting caught back up in the cycle. Why? You cannot change anyone; only yourself.